Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Fried Spam

A couple of teenage girls continue to confuse my hotmail address with, apparently, the address for some "hot male" at their Texas high school. I get a couple of these questionnaires each day. I'm tempted to report them as spammers, but I confess I get a great deal of satisfaction of messing with their minds. I can only assume I'm ruining the social life of some poor high school kid, but why should he have more fun in school than I did? Here's one from the other day:

1. What is your favorite color?
Black. It's the color of my heart.

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing?
My mother's lingerie. I love the way the silk caresses my skin.

3. Where is your favorite place to eat out?
Madras Pavilion Vegetarian. They make a stuffed acorn squash that's to die for. If you really want to impress me, pick me up some take out.

4. What is your favorite meal?
Confetti Vegetable Curry.

5. What is your favorite sport or recreational game?
I play football, but I LIVE for curling. I wish we had some ice around here so I could teach you about the greatest game ever played!

One of the girls responds:

I don't understand. You told me you luvd football. Whats curling? I've never even heard of that curry stuff. Do you really where your mom's lingere? Your acting really really weerd lately. Your all normal and stuff at scool and the phone and then your a ritard on the net. I saw the email you sent to Kayly. That was really mean what you said about her teeth. Theres nuthing wrong with them. You make me worried. Call me 2nite!

I respond:

I feel weird. When I'm writing y'all in e-mails I feel more honest. There are some things about me I'm afraid to talk about when I'm around you. I just don't fit in anymore and I have these really weird feelings. I can't talk about this stuff at school. Know what I mean?

She returns with:


That was two days ago. I haven't decided where to take this conversation, although I have clearly set the table for some kind of homosexual confession. That's probably too cruel considering high school sensitivities and the fact it's in Texas. What do you think?


Reg said...

Make him a Trekkie. That will scare these girls off without getting his ass kicked. Worked for me in high school. I never had a date.

Aron said...

Uh, Gadster, since you're no longer among the politically-active Christians, shouldn't you take this opportunity for witnessing? I hate to be a joy kill, but ...